Monthly Archives: May 2011

Be Mad!

In Fight Like A Girl…and Win by Lori Hartman Gervasi she tells her female readers to “decide to – believe in your fight, devise a strategy, recognize the attack and initial threat, move and act on your instincts .” These are most definitely things to get a female into self defense training, but females are very emotion based. We are driven by any range of emotional reactions so I say add to that list decide to get mad and stay that way!

If you’re going to last in a fight from an unwanted attacker decide to be pissed off. This person is fucking with your life and if that doesn’t bother to you then he is fucking with the lives of your family members. Whether or not you are alone when you get attacked your family will be affected. If your family is with you and specifically your kids Gods help the people that attack you. There is nothing like a momma bear protecting her cubs.

You and your family have every right to stay alive and that means not fighting fair. You think your attacker is going to fight fair? Screw that! Bite! Scratch! Kick! Grab something, ANYTHING and start swinging! Scream! Cuss! Draw attention to yourself! Yell! Yell for help or yell for the police! Yell “this fucker is trying to kill me!” Make your voice be heard because you’re mad and everyone needs to hear it! Fight back as if your life depends on it because it does!

Decide to be mad because you should be! There are no “ladies” on the battlefield so don’t be scared! Be mad!

Reference –http://fightlikeagirlandwin.com/

A Public Answer

Dear Person castigating me for (re)turning to “low magic” & “demigod enslavement”;

Who the fuck are you to tell me how to orbit?

If you’re so high advanced as your email pretends, then you’d know we all have to travel through shit before getting to the temple.

I am where I need to be in the moment that I’m in. I’m going to live this moment to the fullness of it, until I am drunk from the experience.

And if it takes the heel of a demigod for me to get through my issues, then so be it. Wouldn’t want a high adept with ego issues, would we?

I have enough trauma to deal with from priest-king fuckers that tried to bend me into their ideal shape. Not adding yours to it.

So, dear Concerned Frater, take your 93/93s, your “fatherly concern”, and your poisoned barbs and talk to Choronzon! Bahlasti! Ompehda!

Signed with Sincerity and Vicious Smiles, A Star.

(There were enough clues in the email to reveal the “Concerned Frater” was a reader of both blog and recent Twitter streams. Originally posted on Twitter, but reposting here in case he slept through my outburst.)

Burning The Jersey

I’ll talk about myself until the sun sets, rises, and sets again. But when talking of someone else, I am hesitant. Even more so when death is involved. I have wondered if I should put this post behind the password wall. Or even if I should post it publicly at all. The identity of the other person has been scrubbed. But I can’t leave him out of my words entirely. His death has had a direct impact on the person I have emerged to be today.

About nine years ago, I held the hand of a man as he died. A domestic dispute had spiraled out of control, and he was stabbed at least 28 times. He crashed into my neighbor’s yard as he tried to get help. At the sound of the crash I was calling 911, and I know many of my neighbors did the same. But he died before the medics arrived, holding my hand.

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The Slump

As some may have noticed I haven’t written for a few weeks. I seem to have fallen into a thyroid slump. Starting about 3 weeks ago I slowly felt myself getting worn down, but just passed it off as a normal up and down. There were days I specifically skipped jumping rope and tried just to go for the heavy bag. My arms refused to work. I swung and they just wouldn’t cooperate.

It got to the point that I woke up and my whole body ached and since then it has been hard to motivate myself to do much of anything including eat correctly. At the beginning of this week I woke up in one of my cleaning moods and it took me four times of getting up and sitting down just to pick up my living room floor. I knew something was really wrong.

I have seen my doctor and after ruling out certain other possibilities hopefully it is just a matter of uping my dosage, but at this point who knows. I go for my blood tests on Tuesday (since Monday is memorial day). We’ll see what the doctor has to say when he gets the tests back.

The one good thing is I have at least been able to keep a mental note of my calorie intake and it hasn’t been so bad. A couple days I know I came in short, but such is life. I’m pushing myself to get back into the groove and really want to start back on the bag even if I can only go for 5 minutes at a time. I’ve even been looking at doorway pull-up bars at Walmart because the “Navy Seal Workout” book I just bought focuses on pull ups and it does feel good when you know you could be able to lift your own body weight if the need arose. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t do it right now if I tried (regardless of feeling horrible).

I’ve got the high hopes, let’s see if my body agrees.

198 pounds

Because Someone Asked: “Three Ways to Describe Loki”

Funny the things you find when you read the back pages. Or in this case, server logs. Someone found my site using these words in Google: “What are three different ways to describe Loki” I had a quick chuckle, then proceeded to more important issues. But the question stuck with me. And of course, because … Continue reading →

I’m Not a Monster…All the Time–Rules of Being the Big, Bad Wolf (reprinted from My Pagan Mystics Blog)

“I’m not a monster…all the time” I don’t have the best reputation for “playing well with others” in the Pagan Community (online, or offline). I am a bit too concerned with building the skeleton of my beliefs on facts, not fantasy. They don’t like it. I also vehemently defend those facts. They don’t like that, […]

A Drop of Opal

As some of you may know, I have a… rocky… relationship with my mother. Things have deteriorated to the point where I have to assume anything that comes from her hand has a hidden trap ready to spring and draw blood.

It was during one of our more vicious interactions I was made painfully aware that most of the jewelry I was wearing were (willfully given and unprompted) gifts from her. For me to continue wearing them, she said, was a hypocrisy. After all, if I rejected her values, why was I still wearing her trinkets?

Challenge, accepted.

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The Goddess Series- Paleolithic Figures

One of the most popular figures related to ancient goddess forms is the Venus of Willendorf, one that I have been drawn too for over a decade. One of my first pagan jewelry items that I purchased was a mini amethyst Venus figure, which I was always able to get away with wearing because everyone always thought it was a bunch of grapes. I have always felt drawn to images from this period of human history, including cave art, earth art and of course, goddess figures.

There are several aspects that have always drawn me to these figures. First and most importantly, her shape. She reflects a natural and realistic view of a woman, instead of our modern emaciated models. She has a large flabby tummy, wide hips and enormous breasts. She also does not hide her body or attempt to hide her sexuality. In Sandro Botticelli, Birth of Venus, the figure actually hides her breasts and genitals and shows modesty. However, Venus of Willendorf places her arms above her breasts and displays them and her enlarged vulva for the world to see. She is exposed in all aspects and to me this is tied to embracing sexuality and womanhood fully. It shows her power as a woman and yet does not denigrate who she is. And lastly, she has no face, and thus she could be anyone and also a part of us all. Her anonymity also reflects a certain aura of her being beyond personification. If she had a face, it would distract from these Venus figures more womanly and openly fertile representations. Overall, when I see these figures I see a woman in her most fully primal state and it reminds me of the Goddess within myself.

There has always been some debate over the meanings behind these, the biggest being the battle over if these figures represented goddesses or not. Some believe they are representative of fertility and womanhood. Some think they were made by women to aid other women through menstruation, and child bearing. The Venus of Willendorf has a coating of red ochre, possible symbolism anyone? However, language and cultural barriers aside, no one is going back 25,000 years to ask the artist what the piece represented to them.

Regardless of what they represent, there is no doubt in my mind that these figures were made with an important agenda. Think about this. Can you go camping with nothing but hand tools and come back with a perfect replica of the Venus of Willendorf? I know that I couldn’t not even if I used special tools designed for carving limestone. If someone spent the time and energy to make such a piece of art, wouldn’t you think it was rather significant? Yes we see in our art world some things that have no meaning to us on a deeper and spiritual level, but they have some to the artist. If we look at it from an artists prospective, we still are given a high probability that this statue honored fertility and womanhood. One Carving in particular, The Venus of Laussel, carries a cornucopia in her hand with 13 notches on it. The number 13 is the same amount of lunar cycles in a year, which is paralleled by a womans cycle. Honoring these, is indicative that they too honored the feminine aspects of humanity on a larger scale. Even if these Venus figures are not goddesses, they represent a huge part of the female experience and should be honored as such.

There are lessons we can learn from these figures as spiritual beings ourselves, despite the meaning behind them. Be yourself and do not hide your femininity, embrace it and let your inner goddess shine. The scars of motherhood are not to be shamed, wear your hips, tummy, and breasts as a badge of honor. We may be very different from those who created these figures, but we still have a common tie through our womanly features, cycles and birth. Most importantly, we are surrounded by goddesses every day and they should be honored as such.

Resources

http://donsmaps.com/willendorf.html
http://arthistoryresources.net/willendorf/willendorfdiscovery.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venus_of_Laussel
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venus_figurines

MamaJasmine’s Tomato Soup

I have been asked for this new recipe of mine recently and I figured here would be as good a place to share as any. Now this is originally derived from a recipe by Mimi Riser in, The Kitchen Witch Glossary to Cooking Herbs and Spices. I, as usual, tweeked her recipe for Fast Tomato Tarragon soup to my liking. This is a wonderful soup, which once you taste it, a can will never do again.

One thing everyone should know about how I do recipes is that with spices, I never measure by standard means. I use my hand and make a small cup and fill it by how much I think it needs. I stick with large handful, medium and small. I do this because I crush the herbs and spices with my thumb and release the oils in them.

Ingredients.

1 small onion, diced.
2 28oz cans of whole tomatoes
2 cloves of garlic, smashed and diced finely.
1 cup of organic chicken stock.
1 large handful of dried tarragon leaves
1 medium handful of basil
1 small handful of mint
1 large handful of sugar in the raw
sea salt and fresh cracked pepper to taste.
enough EVOO to coat your pan.

First Start off by sauteing the garlic and onions in the EVOO, slowly adding in the herbs. Once the onions are soft add in the tomatoes, chicken stock and sugar. Heat to boiling and then lower and simmer covered for 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Once done transfer to blender (or use a handheld like me) and puree soup till it is of a smooth texture. I then let this simmer 5 extra minutes and then serve. Enjoy!

Just One Lie

Many years ago, I worked in a train yard. One night during my probationary period, I was tested in what was supposed to be just a matter of stubborn will. I had to pick up a crew from this train over there and be given conflicting directions by the conductor and engineer to see how I responded.

To get to this train, I had to cross the “main line”, the railroad artery that all trains had to run on to pass through the yard, including a certain passenger train. To dodge the keyword triggered bots and scrapers, we’ll call it “AlwaysLate”.

Of course, I didn’t know I was being tested. Or I would have been even more confrontational than I was. The conductor told me to hurry up and take the crew back over the tracks to return to the yard office, even though the night’s AlwaysLate was nearby and closing in. The engineer told me to wait until AlwaysLate passed. A polite argument ensued, that I ended by telling the conductor that I would take the Safe course of action, as suggested by the engineer, and wait for AlwaysLate to pass before attempting to cross. Report me for insubordination, I dared, I wasn’t moving until the other train had come and gone.

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