Category Archives: My Mommy The Pagan Warrior

Stop The Threat

I’m not going to pretend to be an expert in any style of martial arts so take this as personal experience. I have studied and practiced Krav Maga and some boxing. Because of recent circumstances I have been reviewing a lot of online self defense videos on youtube. I can say there are a lot of different techniques out there for self defense and a lot of classes.

From my experience some work and some probably don’t. When looking for good classes there is one sure way to tell which are worth it and which aren’t. By exploring videos that do what’s called “stopping the immediate threat” you can teach yourself what you are looking for when you get into your first self defense introduction class. 

There are many videos on youtube to glance through and again, some have good techniques and others have techniques that seem to work in the little snippets of video or on paper, but fall short in a real world scenario. The videos that fall in the latter category show you a “potential” situation generally in slow motion. They are positioning the attacker’s hands in a specific way and the victim is also particularly positioned so that the maneuver looks good in theory. See the video at the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO2FEdtRi44&NR=1&feature=fvwp

You see the man with a young girl pushed up against a wall, his hands seemingly tight around her throat. She places her hands up through his open arms and goes for his eyes. I have seen this technique taught in other self defenses classes and of course, in class it may go smoothly. In the video it looks flawless and easy. In reality, it’s not so simple.

When I train it is no holds barred. When I am practicing it is with as real a choke as possible (with safety measures in place, of course). It is so if I’m in a real situation I’m prepared for how little time I have and how tight those fingers can get fast. Because of this practice I can place myself in this young lady’s situation. The first thing I notice is she isn’t stopping the immediate threat. When someone is getting choked the immediate threat is the hand (or hands) around your throat.

The biggest hole in this scenario is if this girl is getting choked she will continue to get choked if she does what is being shown and the only thing her action is going to do is cause him to squeeze her throat tighter in order to brace himself for whatever she’s doing. She is making the situation worse!

Let’s examine addressing the immediate threat (jump to 1:04):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VDbjFBciJE

For all those who wanted to know this technique is called a “thumb pluck.” If you can’t breathe it is only a matter of seconds before you will collapse and the fight will be over with you losing. The thumb pluck stops the immediate threat by releasing the attackers thumb(s) from your throat. 

Onto another scenario. When a gun is pointed at your face, the gun is your immediate threat. On instinct (or hopefully on instinct after training) you’re not going to grab for someone’s neck or kick them. You aren’t addressing what can kill you at that moment – the gun. In a proper scenario the first thing you are going to grab for is the gun:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3N6CIMtj24M

My point in using these scenarios is not for you to attempt to learn them if you have no training. The point is knowing which self defense classes are worth your time and money and which aren’t. I don’t care what line of bull they sell you and I would be very leery of any Krav Maga classes that don’t teach the “thumb pluck” at all. If the self defense instructor doesn’t focus on the immediate threat, thank them for their time and go back on your search.

Again, I’m NOT AN EXPERT, but stopping the immediate threat is common sense and the first thing that matters. The simple fact is you can’t continue the fight if you’re dead. If your class is not teaching that, you need to move on to one that does.

Be Mad!

In Fight Like A Girl…and Win by Lori Hartman Gervasi she tells her female readers to “decide to – believe in your fight, devise a strategy, recognize the attack and initial threat, move and act on your instincts .” These are most definitely things to get a female into self defense training, but females are very emotion based. We are driven by any range of emotional reactions so I say add to that list decide to get mad and stay that way!

If you’re going to last in a fight from an unwanted attacker decide to be pissed off. This person is fucking with your life and if that doesn’t bother to you then he is fucking with the lives of your family members. Whether or not you are alone when you get attacked your family will be affected. If your family is with you and specifically your kids Gods help the people that attack you. There is nothing like a momma bear protecting her cubs.

You and your family have every right to stay alive and that means not fighting fair. You think your attacker is going to fight fair? Screw that! Bite! Scratch! Kick! Grab something, ANYTHING and start swinging! Scream! Cuss! Draw attention to yourself! Yell! Yell for help or yell for the police! Yell “this fucker is trying to kill me!” Make your voice be heard because you’re mad and everyone needs to hear it! Fight back as if your life depends on it because it does!

Decide to be mad because you should be! There are no “ladies” on the battlefield so don’t be scared! Be mad!

Reference –http://fightlikeagirlandwin.com/

The Slump

As some may have noticed I haven’t written for a few weeks. I seem to have fallen into a thyroid slump. Starting about 3 weeks ago I slowly felt myself getting worn down, but just passed it off as a normal up and down. There were days I specifically skipped jumping rope and tried just to go for the heavy bag. My arms refused to work. I swung and they just wouldn’t cooperate.

It got to the point that I woke up and my whole body ached and since then it has been hard to motivate myself to do much of anything including eat correctly. At the beginning of this week I woke up in one of my cleaning moods and it took me four times of getting up and sitting down just to pick up my living room floor. I knew something was really wrong.

I have seen my doctor and after ruling out certain other possibilities hopefully it is just a matter of uping my dosage, but at this point who knows. I go for my blood tests on Tuesday (since Monday is memorial day). We’ll see what the doctor has to say when he gets the tests back.

The one good thing is I have at least been able to keep a mental note of my calorie intake and it hasn’t been so bad. A couple days I know I came in short, but such is life. I’m pushing myself to get back into the groove and really want to start back on the bag even if I can only go for 5 minutes at a time. I’ve even been looking at doorway pull-up bars at Walmart because the “Navy Seal Workout” book I just bought focuses on pull ups and it does feel good when you know you could be able to lift your own body weight if the need arose. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t do it right now if I tried (regardless of feeling horrible).

I’ve got the high hopes, let’s see if my body agrees.

198 pounds

Jumping Rope

Who would have thought that something we did so naturally as kids would come so hard as adults? Working with this new workout book that focuses on boxing, jumping rope is a standard warm up and broken down from level 1 to 10 with the intensity and speed of how you’re jumping. I’ve finished week three and they up the time on the jump rope from 6 minutes at week one to 12 minutes in week three and varying intensity through out that time from 4 to 8, the higher the intensity the shorter amount of time required.

Let me tell you plain and simple, jumping rope sucks. This would be the ultimate fail of my workout experience. I tried to up it to 12 minutes working on the different intensities, but I just don’t believe I’m coordinated enough to do this particular activity for such a long period of time not to mention the varying intensities. I came to the conclusion that I can safely do about 10 minutes of jumping rope with two speeds (and two speeds only) – slow and slightly faster.

When I say safely I mean without my knee swelling up to the size of a soccer ball and when I say 10 minutes I mean jumping for 15 to 20 seconds, walking a circle then starting the cycle again. Depending on the song my intensity varies. Particularly Nickelback’s Never Again is great for hyping up my speed, but it still is only in short bursts.

I’m not downplaying the importance of this part of my workout. It really is great as a warm up because you can start your intensity low and work your way up and I will probably keep it as part of my regular workout (I mean, I did spend the $6 on the rope). It is great for balance and agility, but damn if it doesn’t hurt. As a kid it was so simple. I didn’t think twice about picking one up and jumping and I could probably have done it for hours. What happened to those days?

200 pounds

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

“To be a warrior is not a simple matter of wishing to be one. It is rather an endless struggle that will go on to the very last moment of our lives. Nobody is born a warrior, in exactly the same way that nobody is born an average man. We make ourselves into one or the other.”  -Carlos Castaneda

The title Warrior seems to have been watered down to be synonymous with “someone who stands up for a cause” or “someone who has a courageous moment.” Courage is indeed an attribute of one worthy of the title, but it is certainly not all that makes one a Warrior. Any person, given a dire circumstance of imminent pain or death (or that of a family member), can have a courageous moment but these moments define one thing about the person – whether in times of stress they will react with fight, flight or freeze. Those who fight could be considered courageous, but this is not something these people normally prepare for. In these situations it is merely an instinct to react in a specific way. In my view, the Warrior acts not reacts because they have trained for such a moment. While both would be courageous, only one works off of solely the instinct of self (or blood) preservation and that would be the “average man (non-Warrior).”

It is always interesting to me those that claim to relate to Warriors in some fashion or another and yet can’t stand the thought of weapons or war. What those people can’t seem to understand is the Warrior doesn’t need or care about the politics. Their job is to physically fight. Can they have an opinion? Absolutely. Can they choose to take up a fight or leave it? Absolutely. But the Warrior’s position in their society isn’t wrapped up in political nonsense. Their job is to fight for whatever their tribe or village needed them to fight be it protection of leaders, furthering land growth or simply defense of their people.

The talkers and speech givers are politicians. They are not Warriors no matter how “courageous” and ground breaking their words are. Standing a picket line or attending a sit in or giving a speech are not actions of a Warrior. We can’t take the war out of Warrior. Warriors may choose to participate in such activities, but despite them they are still willing to pick up the weapons and walk into a battle. The Warriors do the fighting and the dying. That is what they prepare for all their life. If actions speak louder than words consider a Warrior the exclamation point.

When I speak of war it can be literally or figuratively (to a point). I’m not by any means stating that all Warriors have to be soldiers fighting a literal war or even that all soldiers are Warriors. I use the term war as simply a term for a physical confrontation. Warriors train for the possibility of that moment not necessarily a want or need for it. I’m not speaking of some bar brawl where a few people get out of hand one night because of some need to boost their egos. Winning a fight like that hardly makes anyone a Warrior. In fact, that would be something a true Warrior would use their brain to attempt to get out of and use their fist as a last resort because something like that is petty and not worth their time.

When I refer to the training of a Warrior I mean a defining physical moment like being provoked on the street in a life or death situation. It could also mean literally a life or death battle between countries at war. To me, there has to be an element of life or death involved. Does the Warrior have to have this defining moment to have earned the title? As Richard Strozzi Heckler put it, “The path of the Warrior is lifelong, and mastery is often simply staying on the path.” With this statement in mind, I don’t believe they do. My personal belief is the Warrior spends their lives hoping it will never happen (i.e. “hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst”), but training in case it does.

Some may even choose to get involved in tournaments or competitions, but this is still a furtherance of training with the real life or death situation in mind. The Warrior’s philosophy should be – be prepared mentally and physically because without the mental, the physical is useless and without the physical one will never survive the fight. In the wise words of Tien T’ai, “Given enough time, any man may master the physical. With enough knowledge, any man may become wise. It is the true warrior who can master both….and surpass the result.” Mental and physical preparation for conflict and the actions if one arises define the Warrior, not words.

*Side note – since actions speak louder than words here is a Warrior moment for you – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ybju5hb8nkc.

The Library

So I’m slowly building up my library of Warrior path specific books. It is somewhat slow coming as I have been building my Celt library for a long time, but this entry I will probably continue to add to as long as this blog exists.

I won’t begin to speak about what books should and shouldn’t be in a Warriors library as that is personal choice that can be dictated by one’s focus of martial art, weapon of choice or general viewpoint. I can only speak about the types of books I will classify in such a manner for my own personal collection.

Here is my starting list:

Zen in the Martial Arts – Joe Hyams

Complete Krav Maga – Darren Levine & John Whitman

No Holds Barred Fighting: The Ultimate Guide to Conditioning – Mark Hatmaker

Training for Warriors: The Ultimate MMA Workbook – Martin Rooney

The Mixed Martial Arts Handbook – John Ritschel

The Navy Seal Workout – Mark De Lisle

The Gleason’s Gym Total Body Boxing Workout for Women – Hector Roca & Bruce Silverglade (good general boxing instruction & the workouts kick your butt)

Fight Like a Girl…and Win – Lori Hartman Gervasi *Highly recommended for female empowerment

Armed & Female – Paxton Quigley (wishlist)

The Art of War – Sun Tzu (special edition also includes Frederick the Great’s Instructions to His Generals and Machiavelli’s The Prince)

Celtic Warriors – Timothy Newark 

 Lords of Battle: The World of a Celtic Warrior – Stephen Allen

SAS Survival Guide – John ‘Lofty’ Wiseman

2 DVD Roms w/ manuals for-

Aikido, Boxing, U.S. Air Force Combat, Army Field, Marine Martial Arts, Martial Arts Philisophy, Army Physical Fitness, Air Force Security Forces, Self Defense for the Common Person, Marines Close Combat, Air Force Deployment Survival, Army Cold Weather Survival, Army Desert Survival, Army Engineers Field Fortification, Army “How To Avoid Getting Lost,” Marine Water Survival, Army General Survival, USMC Summer Survival, USMC Winter Survival.


What books are in your Warrior library?

Eat More Lose Weight?

So yesterday I told the tale of my naughty seduction by the left over cake from earlier in the day. Well, I want to say I won and in a way I did as I didn’t eat any cake, but I didn’t go without any sweets last night. I will say, I didn’t actually give in because despite what I did eat yesterday I still hadn’t met my “total daily energy expenditure” (TDEE) so I ended up eating a pack of mini-chocolate donuts to add to my lacking calorie intake.

This is what I knew my problem would be when I started and I’m trying to address it, but it is starting to aggrivate me. The exersize part is easy. I break out my handwraps and my boxing gloves and I pound on the bag. I break out my boxing workout book and do that day’s work out routine. I practice Krav Maga with my husband in the living room or I load a workout video on netflix. That is all a no brainer.

Since starting to monitor what I eat I was curious about the calorie count behind each carrot or piece of fruit. I know what’s good for me and what I’m supposed to eat, but I’m coming to find out that what I like to eat combined with what is good for me is slim and may not contain the calories I need to sustain myself through the day. I added up my calorie intake yesterday and before the donuts I had barely crossed over 1000 calories so far for that day. I couldn’t believe it with all I felt I had eaten for that day.

I wanted to get a better idea of what I should be eating just to get my body up to proper function and so I went to various websites that had neat little calculators to input all of your information to figure out what your TDEE caloric requirements are based on age, weight, and height. I found another website that even gave me a formula to find my Basal Metabolic Rate from that equation and what my ideal caloric intake should be to lose weight, but still properly function.

For a 30 year old female who weighs 200 pounds and is 5 ft 8 inches with light exercise (to be on the safe side) I should be eating around 2000 to 2100 calories to lose weight. Other calculators say even closer to 2500, but with this particular calculator it gave me the equation to do myself and not rely on someone else’s calculations so I’ll stick with that. I figure that on the days I am “resting” between workouts I only need between 1700 and 1800 calories for the day. Who would have thought that would actually be a hard task to accomplish? Let me illustrate why.

Today’s food intake thus far:

Crunchy Raisin Bran Cereal – 90

Milk – 122

Pink Lady Apple – 130

Half a salmon fillet – 367

Wheat Hot Dog Bun – 110

5 baby carrots – 150

Cup of raw mushrooms – 15

(6 mini chocolate donuts – 380)

TOTAL THUS FAR: 984 (1364)

I will admit that I ate the 6 mini chocolate donuts because I had already added up my calorie intake with the food I brought with me and it was on the low side. Regardless, at this point I still have a can of soup, 15 ritz crackers and another apple to eat.

Add in:

Soup  250

Crackers  80

Apple   130

TOTAL: 1824

So my goal is between 1700 and 1800 a day on days I haven’t exercised. Right now I still have another meal to eat and I don’t want to. I feel like I have been eating all day long. And I am supposed to eat more than this on my exercise days?Call this my little rant, but I don’t know how people do it. Regardless, I am about to force myself to eat an entire can of soup, crackers and apple because I need the calories. Talk about wanting to pull out my hair. The fat girl is forcing herself to eat! How backwards can this whole weight loss thing be?

Obviously it is completely psychological, but eating to lose weight just seems wrong to me. I am just going to have to force myself to eat because I need the calories, but I would just love to sit here right now and stare at this screen and not have to worry about it. I know I have to do this and so I will, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t make me feel worse about the whole thing. I just need to get past the stigma of eating. I guess that is something that society has ingrained in my head.

Sweets

Everyone has their vice when it comes to food. For me, sugar addiction runs in my family. It’s a problem my mother has struggled with all of her life and it is something that plagues both my brothers and myself. In regards to my brothers though, both are very active and extremely well built. My older brother has a personal trainer and my younger brother wants to be a Navy Seal and is constantly working out so, though they love their sweets, it doesn’t quite do to them what ends up happening to me.

I have indulged in gummy worms, cake and potato bread since I was a kid. Of course, then we were generally outside all the time doing something to work it off. Now, I have to make the effort to get off my butt and get moving. While I think I have finally found a workout I enjoy with all the elements that keep me motivated I still have weight to lose and that requires dieting. Of course, no one told this to my co-workers.

Last week was a very important week for those in my line of work and as such a lot of food was brought in for us ranging from cookies and cakes to pizza and breadsticks. Sugar was running rampant last week and while I tried not to over-indulge by eating more salad and less bread I know I didn’t help my weight loss. Now, here I sit at my desk with a tray of cake no more than 20 feet away. Whenever I go in or out of the room it seduces me with it’s fragrant decadence. Sweet Satan, why do you tempt me?

Tonight will be a test of wills between me and the cake just as last night was a test of wills between me and the jelly donut that sat out all night, but I can’t deny it – the jelly donut didn’t win, but the mini-chocolate ones did. Tonight I have brought an assortment of veggies and fruit to help combat my nightly cravings. It will truly be a test of wills. Who will be victorious tonight? Any bets?

Twenty-One Feet

A Warrior is one who is prepared for physical confrontation at a moments notice, but does not necessarily walk into one hoping it will happen. They are the one who has the focus and courage should the need arise in such a situation. Hand to hand combat and weapons training can come from any martial arts form. Where and how one chooses the type of martial arts they study is up to them, but all are relevant. I most prefer the practical method of Krav Maga which is Mixed Martial Arts for the streets, but my brother prefers tournament MMA and has studied Muay Thai and Kickboxing. Any type of hand to hand is beneficial to start on this path. Knowing how to fight if the need arises should be the top focus of your path.

That focus can expand out to include fighting in tournaments or even fighting in war for those Warriors who choose to serve in the armed forces. Serving as a soldier is not a prerequisite, but honorable nonetheless. Now hand to hand is pretty much a standard practice, but weapons training throws a whole new aspect into the mix. What weapons one chooses to focus on can easily depend on the individuals needs, practicality, whether they plan on utilizing the weapon in tournaments, actual combat or on a city street. I’m not going to go into the philosophical discussions of weapons versus no weapons or self-defense over martial arts (or action versus non-action when facing a dangerous situation). I’m just focusing on the benefit of weapons training in general.

As an Irish Reconstructionist I have a fascination with Irish Stick fighting a.k.a. Bataireacht. Such a practice would have been more than useful at the time of it’s dominance. Even today the study crosses over into many different realms because the stick itself can easily translate into any long object within reach. One could pick up a cane, a tree branch or a baseball bat and utilize the same techniques. Because of this there are endless applications such training could provide and if there was a teacher around here I would absolutely sign up for it. For now, I’ll just have to stick with the internet and the Doyle Irish Stick Fighting videos online.

There are those that would argue a true Warrior’s weapon would be the sword, but even the Japanese haven’t carried them into battle since World War II. That by no means discounts the study and practice of sword fighting or fencing, it simply means that such studies are much more for personal preference or even tournament specific and much less for practical applications. Let’s face it, it’s pretty hard to hide a sword for everyday carry and if you were wearing one I would have no doubt the police would be stopping you quite often. That’s not to say that a decent amount of destruction couldn’t be the result of a sword, but it is much more of a medium range weapon and wouldn’t be very useful in a street fighting setting or in a war where your opponent is likely to have a gun of some sort.

Just because swords are impractical in a real world scenario doesn’t mean that all blades are. I have a lot of respect for knives and I carry one as a back up frequently. The simple fact is that someone trained in knife retention and fighting as well as human anatomy can do a lot of damage in a little amount of time. In the book Tools of Violence McNab and Keeter reference an exercise by local law enforcement putting to the test guns vs knives. Within 21 feet a knife wielding assailant being surrounded by 5 police officers was able to do significant damage to 4 out of 5 before being taken down. In the Tueller Drill this same 21 feet is found to be covered by an attacker within 1.5 seconds. In this scenario you would rather be the one with the knife, but if that doesn’t happen hand to hand is the natural fall back. Acting, regardless of how sometimes, is better than making yourself an easy target.

Also in the blade’s defense, despite what Hollywood would want you to believe, even if someone were to be shot they don’t just drop to the floor and die. Adrenaline keeps you going and if you know what you are doing you could hit major arteries causing the deaths of your victims within 5 minutes of the initial cut even after you have been shot numerous times. Even someone lucky with a blade could hit an artery and kill someone after being shot a few times. Close combat is more than likely what you are going to be dealing with a lot of times, especially in a street fight. If there is one thing that all this information taught me it was to respect the importance of a blade.

With that said, someone with no training isn’t always a threat with a knife. There is that stigma that anyone with a knife should be feared, but think about it. Knives are not long range weapons. If this person is standing significantly outside of the 20 feet mark you may have a shot at running, at using a longer counter weapon like a bat or stick or even tackling them if you get a grip on the arm holding the knife. Someone not trained in knife combat could be flailing anything. The only thing that gives them an advantage is the blade itself and it would have to be a pretty lucky strike to take someone down quickly. Even a combat trained Marine outside of the 20 feet range leaves themselves open to any number of counter attacks. As Indiana Jones proved, even a trained swordsman can be taken down with a bullet.

I’ve heard the argument that guns are not a Warrior’s weapon. I have never understood this mentality. Old techniques should be respected, but weapons have evolved for a reason. To not evolve with them is asinine to say the least. In modern warfare, anything that shoots a projectile is pretty standard. If I’m walking down the street I’m more likely to get robbed at gun point than anything else. There are still those who might attack with a knife, but that isn’t statistically as common unless you’re getting prison shanked.

In my humble opinion, guns are a necessary weapon to understand. To understand them means one understands the modern weapon mentality. A gun can be used by any idiot. A two year old can pull the trigger on any standard Glock despite all of the “safeties.” A gun is a simple yet complicated weapon that if one doesn’t take the time to understand will have no idea how to act when one is pulled on them and in this day and age, it is a lot more likely than some people want to admit.

As was already demonstrated they are a long distance weapon. They are meant to be used as a deterrent or to keep someone a comfortable distance away, but the simple fact is an attack is more than likely going to start a lot closer than you are going to have time to grab any weapon. That is why hand to hand should always be the first place to start with any understanding of the limitations of any possible weapons that could be used against you. If you understand your opponents limitations than you can use them to your advantage, open the space up and hopefully get the distance to utilize your own weapon. As I practice, if they are close, take on the fight hand to hand, do as much damage as you can and run like hell practicing un-holstering your weapon as you run. I also recommend knowing how to clear a jam as well because if you are able to disarm your attacker or your own weapon gets compromised in a fight, but you are able to get it back you should always know how to clear the chamber so you don’t risk a jam if you need it later.

The average fight lasts 7 seconds and can go down any number of ways. A Warrior needs to be versed in as many weapons as possible. Even a basic amount of knowledge is better than nothing. If you know how to load and unload a handgun, clear the chamber and rack a new bullet after a fight then you have a leg up on your attacker. If you have training in stress based scenarios against an attacker who has never had a day of training in their life than the odds are in your favor that you will be the one walking away. Same with blade fighting. Know where the sweet spots are, know how to disarm your attacker and don’t be afraid of the knife. 

I will always be a practicality girl. Studying other weapons like swords, spears or crossbows are great for nostalgia or reverence of the ancients, but will rarely help in a modern fight. In modern warfare and street combat know what your enemy will more than likely be carrying and know how to combat it.  We train to not only fight, but to hopefully stay alive. This should be the ideal of any Warrior.

*Side note – while doing some looking around on the net I found a website I think would be of great interest especially in regards to this article. Feel free to check it out – http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com.

Five more

It’s so easy to go “I can make this pain stop.” How you go about that speaks a lot about determination. In a workout there is always the ability to stop. Unless you are working with a personal trainer it is usually just you driving the workout. You can make the pain stop simply by stopping. Take your water, your sweat ridden body and get up. Turn on the TV, sit at the computer or get in your car and fool yourself into believing your work out was “good enough.”

Or you could say “five more.” I do five more and I can stop. Numbers sometimes seem arbitrary. Three sets of ten or five sets of three. I don’t know the science behind the numbers and I don’t really care. It is hitting that number that matters. That number is a tiny goal and the only one stopping you from reaching it is you. That is the only thing that stands in the way of you and a healthy body.

Little goals drive your workout. You can choose to set that arbitrary number and hit it or set that number and give up. It truly is that simple. Which one do you think will fulfill you more? You’re sitting down after your work out – are you basking in your little accomplishment or are you chiding yourself for not finishing that last set or that one last push up or sit up? Or worse – do you even care?

Five more may seem like a lifetime away when you can’t think straight, your body hurts and your sweat is pooling on the floor, but take away all those factors – how far does five more feel sitting behind your computer? Not so far away now, huh?