While I normally avoid calling people out like this, I can’t help myself today because I am offended and absolutely must say what I’ve got to say. While I can’t name names, I need to confront an issue with a certain witch in my life who needs to read this before I go on a rampage. The truth is usually the best solution, it’s why I write as honestly from the heart and from personal experience when I’m blogging here, and I feel compelled on this sunny beautiful day to speak my truth whether you like it or not. What I’m about to say was touched on briefly on the post Wordy Wednesday and on Personal Styles of Witchcraft earlier.
We met freshman year of high-school, through our mutual friend Angela. We didn’t become close until sophomore year and I remember being so honored that you invited me to your sweet sixteen party with some of the coolest people I had ever met; the friends I would later work with as witches, live with as roommates and (unfortunately) date throughout high school. You were also one of the first people I told about some of the most defining moments in my life; the sexual abuse, my spiritual faith, my practice and the only reason I chose you wasn’t because you were conveniently there, it was because you showed me the same courtesy of openness. We shared more than friendship as kids, we were both witches, looking for our way in the world. In the last five years, I’ve watched you loose your way, find it again, carve a new road and face new challenges that would make most of us want to jump from a bridge. What you said last night “jokingly” really offended me because I know for a fact, from the marrow of my bones and the breath in my lungs that you are not and never will be alone. And if you knew even remotely how powerful you really are, you wouldn’t think so either.
The sad, sorry truth is you were put in some of the most outlandish and unfair situations in your life from and early age and have struggled with the consequence of being the underdog constantly, finding very little time to breath in your own air and speak your own truths. I’ve had to watch the crazy ginger of Foster loose so much hope, security and feeling over the last few years because of her lot in life, and I really do hate it. I am not the only person in the world who knows your worth; the people who have known you even longer than I have are still your friends and loving family not because of obligations, but because of your strong spirit, your selfless giving to anyone who comes to you and your ability to bring people together.
You were the first person I ever went wildcrafting with; we’d trek through that damned park for hours with our medicinal herbal books out hoping that everything we liked in those books would be growing in the wild, and we were so wrong so much of the time. But then, we’d stumble across beautiful broom, bright as the sun and think of all the ways we could make poison out of the various shrubs and trees we found lol, for some reason it seemed important. You started our animal cemetery; first was that rabbit we found bleeding on the road that we tried to save, then that baby mole we found in a pile of forget me nots, and then that mouse on the bike path. I still remember burying that little animal with full ceremony and prayers and that gust of wind picking up the leaves and dust where we had found the body and swirling all around us, and we just knew it was a “thank you” of some sort from the spirits. We spent hours at Borders, picking out books of every kind and writing down anything we found interesting in our books of shadows.
You were also the person I ran to when my father left home the first time, the person I called when that guy broke my heart senior year, the person I told my secrets to and the person who first helped me get drunk (which ended disastrously lol).
I get so mad with the way you think of yourself, because no one agrees with you. How you still don’t see the person I see is beyond me. I gravitated to you as my best friend, as my crush, as my coven mate and as the mother of my goddaughter- not because I felt some strange obligation to you. You introduced me to so much of witchcraft and I owe a ton to you, and how you can go on questioning all the amazing things you’ve done for others and all the amazing things you continue to do for the world is, in a word, lame. Even through the drama of being kids and young adults, through the rise and fall of the coven, through the divorce, the birth of your child, the loss of friends and the changes you remain powerful, but you don’t see it.
And that’s going to change one day. No matter what had been said about you, I know the truth. No matter what you think about yourself, I know the truth about you. I never worry about WHAT you’ll be in the future, but I always worry about WHO you’ll be, because at this time in your life, you’re having such a hard time finding that out for yourself. Ten years and I still have perfect memories of ten years worth of circles, rites, rituals, movie nights, hookah smoking, Land Walking, crossing, spirits, aromatherapy, fights, birthdays and spin the bottle. They aren’t special memories because they were so big and so important, they are special because you were there.
So I hope I’ve talked some memory-lane sense into you. You don’t know what the future looks like, even though you pretend to see nothing but dark days and cloudy skies ahead. Leave the fortune telling up to me (the professional lol) and get back to doing what YOU do best: being an amazing elemental witch, kicking ass, raising amazing kids and taking no shit.
And in the words of Kendra from Wordy Wednesday:
